The Other Side of Goal Setting for Writers

My professional background is in corporate training. I’ve learned many things over the course of my career, but the one thing that stands out is this: People who work in corporate environments really, really, really, really (really, really) love feedback training.

They love feedback exercises, feedback lists, feedback role plays, and feedback best practices. It’s almost Seussian in its obsession: I would feedback in a box. I would give feedback to a fox. I would give feedback here and there. I’d give some feedback anywhere!

What struck me while designing and delivering this kind of training, though, was the emphasis on giving feedback. There are 10 bazillion articles, links, books, and sources that dive into how to give good feedback, but the material around receiving it pales in comparison.

To me, giving good feedback really comes down to not being a jerk. If you have something to help someone improve, figure out a way to say it nicely and then make sure the person follows it and offer support.

The receiving end is so crucial, though! Bad feedback is EVERYWHERE. Posting something on the internet can earn you negative feedback. I’ve had coworkers who’ve (very unkindly) said everything to me from I have terrible handwriting to I snack too loudly at my desk. Because of this, when I designed feedback training I was very focused on the receiving side. How do you turn feedback garbage into gold? How do you sift through what is useful and what’s not?

I give this context because this week I was reading The Four Desires by Rod Stryker and had a shocking revelation. His book is a wonderful, practical guide to setting goals and becoming your best self. And it was while reading about his spiritual perspective on goal setting I realized I had only been seeing half the picture.

Because another training corporate America looooooves is goal-setting training. I’ve delivered and designed several of these. But while I have always focused on the two sides of feedback, I have never thought of the other side of goals — the mental and environmental resistance we encounter that can keep us from reaching them. I can tell you how to make SMART goals, set intentions, and direct you to make an action plan, but I’ve never thought of the inverse.

My feeling of ridiculousness bore out of the fact that I had never really seen or added anything into my own goal-setting trainings about resistance. We developed action plans, but it was mostly “When will you make time to achieve this goal?”, “Who will hold you accountable?”, or “What will success look like?” We never asked the deeper questions that would confront and combat the resistance to new habits:

Ultimately, Stryker’s book made me realize that I’ve always thought of goal setting as a completely offensive process. You make a goal. You set a completion date. THEN YOU DO IT THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL! But it’s a strategic process, a deeply contemplative one. In addition to aligning your intention and energy to attaining it, you have to think of the forces of resistance that will you keep you from it. Starting a goal is less like a frontal assault and more a strategic battle plan.

This was especially resonant to me coming into NaNoWriMo (for those of you who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is trying to get a 50K-word draft of a book done in November) and the New Year, the official time of resolutions. I wanted to get a draft of a novella done, so I used NaNoWriMo as impetus. My action plan was “Do NaNoWriMo! You have accountability! Pound out 50K words! You can do it!”

Luckily, I read Stryker’s book a bit before starting. I developed my action plan more maturely, based not only on my intentions and hopes for the outcome, but in actively surveying and addressing resistance. Below is a sampling of how I was able to attack it:

Even though we are coming to a close of NaNoWriMo, the time for New Year’s resolutions is just ahead. Also, anytime is a great time to start a novel. If you have a story to tell, telling it is a gift you owe to the universe.

The important thing is to meet your goal with an awareness of your intention and the resistance that will meet you along the way. When you’re first starting out these can be very psychological and insidious (as someone who has written three books, faced loads of failure, and found stark success, my resistances have become more practical than existential, but they’re both very important to think about).

Below I have a quick list of (possible) resistance you may face in starting a first or new book. These are more higher-level resistances, the internal, psychological ones that will prevent you from sitting down to write anything. I think they are very important questions to think about at the start of the process, as they will continually attack you throughout your writing (trust me… I answer many of these at least once a week). They also are the advance guard of internal criticism that will prevent you from even getting to the more practical resistance of creating time and space to write. They are pretty intense, so I’ve added some cheerleading to go with them :)

These are just a few of the mindbugs that will interfere with your goals of writing a novel. As resistance pops up, though, make sure to note it and take time to reflect and respond to it. That’s also the time to go to your community of support for their time and help.

Goal setting is a difficult process. While it’s easy to have a goal, its pursuit is a long, harrowing journey. There are, however, great ways to prepare: remember your intention, respect and respond to possible resistance, and focus on the outcomes at the end. Go into your goal with a plan rather than sheer willpower, and things will go better. I’m not promising great, but the many steps it takes to complete will be made with more intention and more focus, which can make even the longest journey a more pleasant experience.

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