I Am Not Your Trophy Wife

And I refuse to become a liability.

My husband and I made the joint decision for me to stay at home when our son was born — like thousands of couples today.

However, I wasn’t always open to this idea. Firstly, because I did not want to rely on anyone else for my financial freedom. Secondly, I hated the idea of not having a career and adding value in some way to the world, and not just as a mother.

Only when our son arrived, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, and quitting my job during the start of the pandemic was the best decision I made.

Not only was I blessed with the time to love and nurture my son, but I also learned to truly love myself and do what I want, not what I am expected to want.

Before, I felt I had a team of women in the 21st century to please by taking advantage of my right to work. There is a strong image we are fed by the media and TV industry of strong women who boss careers while juggling kids. That no longer appealed to me — at least not a career working for other people’s goals.

I was simply happy at home, but I wasn’t comfortable telling people this.

I felt I needed to somehow justify to the world the reasons why I chose to stay at home. I desperately wanted not to feel judged by others. I didn’t want to be called a housewife. Because the images around that term are somehow degrading today.

Have you seen The Real Housewives Of “City”? Mad Men? Betty Broderick?
Exactly.

I didn’t feel completely comfortable with the idea of being reliant on my husband, especially financially. Not because of him, but because of the world.

I know he would never become controlling and possessive over what I would be allowed to do or not do with his money, even though I do get an “allowance”. I don’t like that he has a say in the limit of my earnings, even if he doesn’t question what I spend the money on.

This leads to a feeling of resentment. Because I am financially reliant, I wonder whether he secretly or unconsciously gets a kick out of controlling my salary, which is far less than the legal minimum wage…

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