Crazy Old Man on a Ladder

A tale of manhood.

It was a few weeks back, the days were growing noticeably shorter, there was a hint of cold weather to come in the air, and the winds of autumn had begun to blow. Try as they might to cling to their arboreal home, the leaves of Horseshoe Forest (the name my grandkids gave the trees that surround my house) began to fall. Freed from their attachment they soared on the winds only to land in astronomical numbers in my gutters. So began the annual right of manhood — cleaning gutters.

Why does my wife suddenly question my ability to complete this task? Sure I turned 70 but this is a step ladder job. Yes the ground is uneven, yes I need to lean over the retaining wall, yes at times I stand above the step that says do not stand above this step. But there are certain things a man must do.

Job completed we travel the next day to see our friends in Buffalo. Once there Chuck informs me that his wife doesn’t want him to clean their gutters anymore. I hear her say “the neighbors are all pointing and saying what’s that crazy old man doing on the ladder, he’s going to kill himself.” True to the ex-marine he is he replies “Barbara I can do this.”

What is going on? Have our wives formed some kind of secret pack to take away the last vestiges of our manhood? Are they taught in secret circles that a man of a certain age should no longer clean gutters?

Fortunately the following day is filled with chainsaws, axes, and the smoke of an open campfire. Ahhh manhood at its finest.

I returned home last week and the gutters were filled once again. As I began to climb the ladder my daughter called from across the drive “Hey Dad before you go up there I have something for you.” She reached out her hand and gave me a card — a flyer for leafguard gutters. I know now this is a full blown conspiracy.

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